Graduation?

Graduation is a time for happiness, right? Everyone says it is at least. How did we even come up with such a thing. We all go through 13 years of making friends, enemies, and scars. Why are we celebrating? Not only are we saying good bye to some of our closest friends, but were saying hello to a cold and dark world. Its not that I don't want to I just want to know why. I personality, if you couldn't have guess, am scared at that thought. I have an idea of where I'm going to go, what i'm going to do, but i still don't know HOW I'm going to do any of this. We toss our caps and hope for the best. The best being we go where we want to, we do what we love, and have no hiccups in the meantime. But that my overly happy friend isn't life. Heartbreaks, getting you hopes up, and dreaming with no way it could happen. Sadly this is it, the world we are getting our hope up to when we say "hello", an of course we expect that same in return. Some of you might get it, but most of us won't. I don't care where I go. I want to get out of here for a while; I'll come back, I'd miss this place to much, but I'd like to see something other than Minford Ohio. The world is a unforgiving place, it never forgets, and it never lets go. Doing something now can affect the future we're struggling to create. I'm not a pessimist, I swear, but sometimes it good to look forward to the bad, and be surprised when it does a 360. Freshman year I expected the worsted, and yet it was the best year of high school. All my friends liked each other, we partied, we loved each other and had no problems hurting someone for messing with one of us. We were a tight knit group, and I'll never forget that. And now I'm here, friends scattered to different places, they've done things I never thought they had the capability of, and i"m sorry to say but I can't, and will never look at them the same way. In a way Senior year sucks. I'm constantly haunted by the memories, and it still hurts me. In the same since though, I'm going to leave, and make new ones. I'll be smarter in picking them out and wiser on who to let see the true me. I wish it could go back to that way it was but, it just wasn't meant to be. So lets go back to the original topic, huh? Graduation is sad, and happy, and I'm going to be drunk so sorry classmates. NEVER DRINK YOUR PROBLEMS AWAY! I can because if I don't Imma just insult everyone because I'm terrified. I Love/Hate my class and I Love/Hate seeing them go. I'm terrified but proud, proud that I Grace Marie Ellifritt did it. I made it 13 years of school, along with heartbreaks, depression, jealousy, and happiness.


                                                      -Grace

                                                                  P.S. Yes i realize that was really cheesy....deal with it...

My Parasite.

   Isn't is crazy how we wake up in the morning and expect it to go the same way it always does? Is it mad to wish for unexpected happiness, instead of the normal? A call, message, or a pigeon for someone's sake? Just something that holds a few words, like hi, or something I don't care anymore. I'm so tired of feel like I screwed up. I know I didn't do anything and yet this feeling consumes me... It fills my bottle like mind until I crack and fall onto the floor surrounded by other shards of myself. Then I just wait, until I get swept up and made into a new bottle. Each time my bottle gets smaller because there is pieces left behind. Its not healthy. It can cause so much negativity and yet I feel like I'm doing it to myself. So is it bad to wish for a change. Something to look forward to. Excitement? I woke up this morning with a parasite in my mind. Depression. Making its appearance once more. The night before I cried while on the phone with my little brother. But I wasn't sad. I was laughing and feeling great for being to help my brother on a video game. Maybe it was the positive attitude from him that pulled it to the surface.  I've been living such a routine based life, I forget sometimes to check on myself. I need a friend. One in person I can truly talk to, with no doubt of betrayal or lying. Just a friend. Someone who knows when the parasite surfaced. Someone to ask what a matter, and be persistent. I'll tell them, its just hard, but I would!  I feel so alone and forgotten sometimes. I try to tell myself that I'm okay, I'm stronger than this. But there is no true, 100% way to treat this illness.  Its different for everyone. I'm not truly crazy. Just lost. And helpless. I'm about to drowned and yet I can breath so clearly. I'm confused and terrified. But I guess there is a bright side  of this. I can relate to the people who have already been pulled down. And maybe. Just maybe I can give them a life line. And they'll be my role model, and I'll be theirs.

3 Tip in How to Survive, My Experiences.

     So I've noticed i haven't wrote alot here lately but let me give you 3 tips in surviving in our society. Okay? Okay.
 
   1. Don't show you dislike anything. Some people just cant stand  difference, you may not like something so innocent like for say you hate apple, well that can be fine a dandy until a socially retarded dumb.... you get my point, like i was saying for someone to be different, it becomes a threat, then your a target, and trust me people tend to follow the stupidest people.

    2. Don't show your emotions, become the happiest person alive. When your happy, people tend to think your stupidity makes you oblivious to the world, when people think that you tend to make friends easier, and you will get told things about other people, and about them selves so you become one of the smartest person in gossip, and street smart.

    3. Keep to yourself. People don't give a shit how bad your life is, or how hard you have it, when trying to open up , they all run away from the real you instead of embracing it.

     Funny Story. Those lines are bull shit. That's what I've learned from my life in society, i really don't have friends, they might consider me a friend, but to me their just another person trying to make me feel sorry for them. So don't take my advice, if you really were trying to get tips, do the opposite of my tips, it might be hard, but you will make more TRUE friends being yourself and not like me. So have you laughed today?, get it cheese. Have a great day, I just stole 5 minutes of your time....MAWHAHAHA.

                                                                                                                       -Grace

Pretend it's Saturday.

      So this weekend I did something unusual, I stayed the whole weekend + 1, and my dads...I normally only spend Saturday at my dads. I came over  because my friend was going to come over Saturday so I went to my dads because I would be able to stay Friday. I also had a game I was going to go to. But I was informed when I came over that they were going Mudding.… it rained so the game was off, my friends mom had other plans for her…and I went Mudding. Fine all good. Sunday happens and I'm still here. Fine again. I don't have school Monday and so I stay another night I played the Xbox most of the weekend but I can't shake the feeling that I'm over over-welcoming me stay. My step-mom was fine until Sunday. Then the Bitch came out....surprise surprise. I guess I can't do anything now I'm here. So yeah. I do realize my other post actually has more of a meaning.. I'm just a bit more confused, than usual. So I don't know what to type. Have a great day!!!

                        -Grace

Why do we let strangers in?

       We are human, we get hurt. I can promise every one of us has heard to not talk to strangers. So why do we let them in? If the skin resembles someone we knew, we let them in, into our minds we tell them things about us opening a door to get hurt, but why do we do this? Some of us want to get hurt, and others are magnets. Without pain we don't learn and we walk around like a shadow just trying to fallow the object it resembles. With pain we find hope in ourselfs to break free from the object we once were. We need pain, but it hurts to have it. My brother is a object it only knows to cause pain, making my Mother and Grandmother fight, tying me in the middle of it, some how. I don't consider him to be human, or my brother in particular, because a normal person can't see those things splitting two people apart. The object that he reflects is named Drugs, he follows where ever it leads. My Grandmother is a nurturer doing what she things is best for her family, yet she still hasn't come to terms that what she thinks is best is the worst thing she could be doing besides buying the Drugs for him. That nurturer in her is making her push farther and farther from my Mom and Me. My Grandmother an my Mom keep hoping for the best, my Mom knows she can't do anything. I know that's not my brother, just a stranger with the correct ID and name just a demon wearing his skin. Call me harsh for this and for those of you who don't understand and think shamefully on me picture this. You constantly come home from a good day to discover your Mom crying, now picture that happening for months, years even you would grow sick of the tears you can see through all of his lies and you know better but know one else wants to listen. Hatred would to grow in your heart. Until you couldn't take it. My brothers a complete Stranger yet my Mom and Grandmother choose to let them in and hurt them. Is it a lesson for me or for someone else?

                                -Grace

School

     Don't get me wrong, schools fun, sure it has its days when it gets old. But last year I truly realized I have a brain, and that I can do something sure I'm bad at history but I love listening to it, I love the way of life back then. I would, given the chance to live in the 1800's a time when all you had to do was survive, get married, have kids and die. Sure it's work but this country wasn't given to us. I do know that. Some kids don't even have school. Yet American kids all have schools why do we take it for granted maybe its a rebellious thing, we are given a chance to learn be smart and take our knowledge to invent a new object or a way of thinking, I could say more but that would be a lllooonnngg list. I'm not trying to make Americans look bad it's just true tomorrow's my first day of my junior year of high school, last year I liked school, sure it isn't the best place and most people even say they hate it but we spend 12 or 13 including kindergarten with 1 group of people yeah some move away, but some move to your school. And yes people change for the better and the worst it's just the way you look at it. I know my way of looking at things isn't like most 16 year olds, I'm proud of that. Sure I like to drink and try different things like a 16 year old, most people say that's young and to myself I'm still confused how I got so far in school or even getting my license. But i did. My mind doesn't stop thinking, I always said my mind was my enemy it makes me feel emotions towards people, but won't allow me to say them In front of them, and makes me feel sorry for people I hate. I'm shy, but if I see someone's trying to be my friend I start to open up, some days I try to hard to be myself, and others I feel like a jerk because I wasn't trying hard enough. I'm a normal 16 year old, I think I'm mentally 7, people think I am the stupidest person alive. I cry. I laugh. I get depressed. And I over think. That's me. Normal is how I act at school. I don't like being noticed, because I feel judged by groups of people in school, they say to go to an adult or teacher if your getting bullied, but is verbal bulling, bulling? I was maybe not intently but I feel like that's the reason why I can't open up. But then again I made myself forget turns out that doesn't help.  I'm not throwing myself a pitty party but something's bother me. Something's I want other people to think about. Now I'm going to bed. Hopefully. School in the morning, fun but scary. Have a good day! Or night...or something.  

                                         -Grace ^_^

It Hurts.

             Honestly, I'm not a fan of Change. The idea depresses me. I scroll through Facebook, and I used to know, what everything my friends statues ment, I knew, because they told me, I never asked, they trusted me enough to know I wouldn't tell a soul, or bring it up if it hurt them, I could lift their mood like it was my job. But for whatever reason, they abandoned me, granted I don't know the full story, but that's exactly what if feels like. I know before, I felt used, they'd always forget about me, or use me to get to someone, I felt like a dog abused it whole life that it doesn't know any better, they'd kick me down, and I'd still trough along beside them just to prove myself, and for a reward they would pat my head, and that's all I needed, I really only have one friend right now. Sad I know but im sort of fine with that. It hurts don't get me wrong it just makes me want to restart the cycle again, being forgotten and alone. But then I remember I have one of my kind, someone that was used in the same ways as I was. And so we know each others pain....I guess that's why were such great friends.


                                                                                                        -Grace