3 Tip in How to Survive, My Experiences.

     So I've noticed i haven't wrote alot here lately but let me give you 3 tips in surviving in our society. Okay? Okay.
 
   1. Don't show you dislike anything. Some people just cant stand  difference, you may not like something so innocent like for say you hate apple, well that can be fine a dandy until a socially retarded dumb.... you get my point, like i was saying for someone to be different, it becomes a threat, then your a target, and trust me people tend to follow the stupidest people.

    2. Don't show your emotions, become the happiest person alive. When your happy, people tend to think your stupidity makes you oblivious to the world, when people think that you tend to make friends easier, and you will get told things about other people, and about them selves so you become one of the smartest person in gossip, and street smart.

    3. Keep to yourself. People don't give a shit how bad your life is, or how hard you have it, when trying to open up , they all run away from the real you instead of embracing it.

     Funny Story. Those lines are bull shit. That's what I've learned from my life in society, i really don't have friends, they might consider me a friend, but to me their just another person trying to make me feel sorry for them. So don't take my advice, if you really were trying to get tips, do the opposite of my tips, it might be hard, but you will make more TRUE friends being yourself and not like me. So have you laughed today?, get it cheese. Have a great day, I just stole 5 minutes of your time....MAWHAHAHA.

                                                                                                                       -Grace

Pretend it's Saturday.

      So this weekend I did something unusual, I stayed the whole weekend + 1, and my dads...I normally only spend Saturday at my dads. I came over  because my friend was going to come over Saturday so I went to my dads because I would be able to stay Friday. I also had a game I was going to go to. But I was informed when I came over that they were going Mudding.… it rained so the game was off, my friends mom had other plans for her…and I went Mudding. Fine all good. Sunday happens and I'm still here. Fine again. I don't have school Monday and so I stay another night I played the Xbox most of the weekend but I can't shake the feeling that I'm over over-welcoming me stay. My step-mom was fine until Sunday. Then the Bitch came out....surprise surprise. I guess I can't do anything now I'm here. So yeah. I do realize my other post actually has more of a meaning.. I'm just a bit more confused, than usual. So I don't know what to type. Have a great day!!!

                        -Grace

Why do we let strangers in?

       We are human, we get hurt. I can promise every one of us has heard to not talk to strangers. So why do we let them in? If the skin resembles someone we knew, we let them in, into our minds we tell them things about us opening a door to get hurt, but why do we do this? Some of us want to get hurt, and others are magnets. Without pain we don't learn and we walk around like a shadow just trying to fallow the object it resembles. With pain we find hope in ourselfs to break free from the object we once were. We need pain, but it hurts to have it. My brother is a object it only knows to cause pain, making my Mother and Grandmother fight, tying me in the middle of it, some how. I don't consider him to be human, or my brother in particular, because a normal person can't see those things splitting two people apart. The object that he reflects is named Drugs, he follows where ever it leads. My Grandmother is a nurturer doing what she things is best for her family, yet she still hasn't come to terms that what she thinks is best is the worst thing she could be doing besides buying the Drugs for him. That nurturer in her is making her push farther and farther from my Mom and Me. My Grandmother an my Mom keep hoping for the best, my Mom knows she can't do anything. I know that's not my brother, just a stranger with the correct ID and name just a demon wearing his skin. Call me harsh for this and for those of you who don't understand and think shamefully on me picture this. You constantly come home from a good day to discover your Mom crying, now picture that happening for months, years even you would grow sick of the tears you can see through all of his lies and you know better but know one else wants to listen. Hatred would to grow in your heart. Until you couldn't take it. My brothers a complete Stranger yet my Mom and Grandmother choose to let them in and hurt them. Is it a lesson for me or for someone else?

                                -Grace

School

     Don't get me wrong, schools fun, sure it has its days when it gets old. But last year I truly realized I have a brain, and that I can do something sure I'm bad at history but I love listening to it, I love the way of life back then. I would, given the chance to live in the 1800's a time when all you had to do was survive, get married, have kids and die. Sure it's work but this country wasn't given to us. I do know that. Some kids don't even have school. Yet American kids all have schools why do we take it for granted maybe its a rebellious thing, we are given a chance to learn be smart and take our knowledge to invent a new object or a way of thinking, I could say more but that would be a lllooonnngg list. I'm not trying to make Americans look bad it's just true tomorrow's my first day of my junior year of high school, last year I liked school, sure it isn't the best place and most people even say they hate it but we spend 12 or 13 including kindergarten with 1 group of people yeah some move away, but some move to your school. And yes people change for the better and the worst it's just the way you look at it. I know my way of looking at things isn't like most 16 year olds, I'm proud of that. Sure I like to drink and try different things like a 16 year old, most people say that's young and to myself I'm still confused how I got so far in school or even getting my license. But i did. My mind doesn't stop thinking, I always said my mind was my enemy it makes me feel emotions towards people, but won't allow me to say them In front of them, and makes me feel sorry for people I hate. I'm shy, but if I see someone's trying to be my friend I start to open up, some days I try to hard to be myself, and others I feel like a jerk because I wasn't trying hard enough. I'm a normal 16 year old, I think I'm mentally 7, people think I am the stupidest person alive. I cry. I laugh. I get depressed. And I over think. That's me. Normal is how I act at school. I don't like being noticed, because I feel judged by groups of people in school, they say to go to an adult or teacher if your getting bullied, but is verbal bulling, bulling? I was maybe not intently but I feel like that's the reason why I can't open up. But then again I made myself forget turns out that doesn't help.  I'm not throwing myself a pitty party but something's bother me. Something's I want other people to think about. Now I'm going to bed. Hopefully. School in the morning, fun but scary. Have a good day! Or night...or something.  

                                         -Grace ^_^

It Hurts.

             Honestly, I'm not a fan of Change. The idea depresses me. I scroll through Facebook, and I used to know, what everything my friends statues ment, I knew, because they told me, I never asked, they trusted me enough to know I wouldn't tell a soul, or bring it up if it hurt them, I could lift their mood like it was my job. But for whatever reason, they abandoned me, granted I don't know the full story, but that's exactly what if feels like. I know before, I felt used, they'd always forget about me, or use me to get to someone, I felt like a dog abused it whole life that it doesn't know any better, they'd kick me down, and I'd still trough along beside them just to prove myself, and for a reward they would pat my head, and that's all I needed, I really only have one friend right now. Sad I know but im sort of fine with that. It hurts don't get me wrong it just makes me want to restart the cycle again, being forgotten and alone. But then I remember I have one of my kind, someone that was used in the same ways as I was. And so we know each others pain....I guess that's why were such great friends.


                                                                                                        -Grace

Rest in Peace, Our Un-named Stray.

               He had many names over the week an a half that he was at the Property. One stuck the most Buddy, he responded better with names that started with a "S".  We called him Fredrick, Fred, Happy, Ralph, Rollo, Skippy, Snoopy, and many others I wish I would have remembered. He was a stray, he had a red ,hairless strip of skin on his neck, where you could tell he was wearing a collar and he got to big for it, he also had a spot where his tail and his body met that was also hairless, he also had hearts on his fur, 4 if I can remember correctly. One was on his leg just two spots that was together. He stayed with us even when we didn't have food, he choose us, like my cat did. He was happy there, even when we left he'd go chase rabbits, and when I would sit in a chair he'd put his two front legs on my legs I'd pet him. His tail almost never stopped. But Tuesday, we went to the Property, and he was no where to be seen. We were going to build him a dog house, and we had bought him dog food, because we were just feeding him hamburger buns, and cat food. Well it didn't take long, but I knew something wasn't right. My Mom and My Step-Dad were working on the tractor, and so I got up from my seat, and from then on, my mind was empty, I felt like I was in a days, I look back now and my memory's black and white, no color. And so I kept walking, I knew I'd find him up this road. But don't ask me how I knew, but he was up that road, not very far either, I saw the white of his fur. And when I saw him, it was like a movie, I said "Buddy" hoping he would jolt up and run towards me. But he didn't. His body already covered in flies. I walked back and told my parents. Then we buried him. He couldn't have been 2 years old. Later that day, it rained, lightly, and after that the red, blue, and purple sky had an image left in the clouds of the rain. It displayed a dog, call me a liar, but I know what I saw, and next to Buddy and a Heart. Mom had told me we gave him best week and a half of his life. But that's not good enough for me. It should have been longer, we should have been there when we were living up there. I don't know what cut his life short, but I do think the cloud I saw was a sigh, that he was better now, and I shouldn't cry but even now writing this I am. I had already loved that hound.



                                          -Grace

To Kyla.

         I hope to God you never read this.

       Today is your 16th Birthday! So I thought I'd make a blog about you, even know you'll never read it and if you do...I give you permission to slam my head into a Table...I guess. So lets go to the beginning shall we? You've been coming to my school since 5th, I kind of remember you in Math class when I had the great idea to write my name as many times as I can and you and some one else joined in....can't remember the other person, but I'll have you know I wrote it 5 times per line, at least 1,000 times, I can't remember the exact number, I also lost the papers some where at my Dads... and after that, I don't remember you very well, I was so stuck up Emily's ass that, well that was all I knew, heck I wrote in my school book that I wanted to be like her. Which I know you've saw. It wasn't tell, maybe 8th grade that you came back, 7th is when Blake came to our school, and I was good friends with him, and in 8th is when my whole group of friends became friends with him, which involves you. From 8th to 9th anytime the group would hang out and we would be left together for some reason, it would be one of those awkward conversations, we didn't know what to say to each other, it wasn't like we hated each other it was, we didn't know how to talk to each other, we didn't realize how much we had in common. And it wasn't until the beginning of this year (after my mom kept going "Invite Kyla over I like her, you guys would be great friends, etc..) that I had told you when ever you want, you can come over. It didn't take a while to realize after our friends not being there that we were alike, and different. My parents a split up, I'm stuck with an amazing Mother and the best Step-Dad ever, and a Dad that I don't know, we talk but he doesn't know me and I don't know him I'm supposed to go over every weekend, but I don't see the point not to mention a bitch for a step-mom, and her parents are together they've split a before, but for the sake of their kids (I guess) their back together, but she doesn't really get her dad either, they clash or they get into verbal arguments. So we both have some what daddy issues. Over this year, you've become my Best friend, and I know you'll have my back, and I've got yours.  So Happy Birthday Best Friend.
                                                        -The Bad Version.(Inside Joke..)

Change.

            Well, what can I say so far...umm almost got in to a car wreck twice this week, both because someone was in my lane, but I LIVED!!!!!! Just thought I'd add that little note in there, considering I almost died 3 times before I was 6, fun stuff. Actually the main reason I wanted to blog today was because I noticed something that bothered me. Last month my WONDERFUL, I say sarcastically, Gym teacher decided that for every day we'd play soft ball, which I suck at, I'm not a sporty person. But the more I played it the better I got, I was actually hitting the ball, granted not very far but it was enough for me to get on 1st. Now we played that game until I didn't mind it, I didn't have a fear about it... but then we stopped. And my ability to hit the ball, went away, all of a sodden I was like the rest of the girls. Only on a certain circumstance is when I could hit it. I'm not the person that likes change, I try my best to avoid it, I stay away from drama, and I know every girl says that, but they are always the ones to start it, but if you asked a person in or not in my grade that isn't my best friend, they will tell you I'm quiet, heck about a week ago one chick learned I party, which should help you get an idea, I only talk if talked to, or if I see your really trying, I'll try back. And I say that just because the words are in my head, but my mouth it a road block, and only the most "common" words are allowed to escape, and I might add I will at some point talk to you but...I have to feel like I understand you, before my road block of a mouth will allow anything to come out. I do have friends that think I'm the happiest person alive, what they don't realize is I could cry everyday, but I depress my emotions, in  my imaginary bottle I hold dear, and after a while of forcing stuff in the bottle it cracks...the breaks, and my wounds are all re-opened, and my world goes through a crisis. Getting back to my point, the fact that I changed, for the worst bothered me. To myself, I think I am the same as when I was little, just more knowledgeable, but then again maybe that was a bad day. And maybe I didn't... all I have is hope, thats all anyone has I guess.
      
                                                                                       -Grace

Mothers Day.

         I know it isn't technically Mothers day but I thought I'd post something for mothers day, just something to do, just thought I'd add its just know midnight so yeah it is Mothers day...but not. I'm honestly never good at holidays, I can't stand half of my family, I do love the ones I can though. I kind of get anti social, now thinking about it. My Mom says its her fault, because  her and her family(its also mine but oh well in the zone) had some bad history and her, herself didn't want to be around them at certain times, but I always tell her "I am who I am, not what you made me." which is right, and wrong at the same time. You are what you inherit and what you are raised around, but I do believe I am what I got from birth, but who knows. BACK TO MOTHERS DAY! When I was little I always thought it wasn't right because their adults, they can get or do pretty much anything they want, but as I get older I've seem my ways. I've seen that's not true, so now I understand, and I approve to be official... I believe that on Mothers or Fathers day the person should be able to relax and enjoy the day. My Mom should be able to have one day when she doesn't have to worry about my brother, and I'm not going into very much detail with that yet, but she shouldn't have to worry if he will get murdered or overdose. And she should be able to do what she wants if its doing nothing or...I don't know I'm not an adult but I some times scare myself, and that's how I get "Your so Immature" but hey  I shouldn't be that mature, I mean come on! I'm 16! granted that's just 2 years from being 18, but I haven't even been to a party that's been busted yet, not that's my mission but HEY it would be fun...:). I keep getting sidetracked sorry, but I love my Mom, I don't say it alot and with that I am ashamed, but I do, shes been through alot, and though I haven't got her anything, because I'm not good at holidays but I'm going to try to make it her day.

                                                                                                     -Grace

Tired, but its been good.

          Well, I woke up and went back to sleep, so it hasn't been very productive, but its been okay. Painted a guy in art, took notes in Biology(which I think is fun...), watched a movie in English. Funny story about the movies in English, our teacher had a baby so we've been having a sub like teacher, didn't take long for him to realize our class is un-teachable...and we've been watching the movies for the past week. I had to ?present? a power point in Geomatry, and made up things to put on a History paper since he was out. Then there was gym, did nothing basically, I managed to stop the puck from going in...a couple of times. And then were here, 7th period. The period when I sit right next to her...and imma make a name for her so shes now named Emily, thats not her real name of course but its the same chick with the whole illegal boyfriend.

           Now I started writing this in my last class, but one of my friends sort of looked at me funny so I had to get off of it.  But I got ?deturmained? (don't even feel like trying) thinking I was ganna make a pie! But I'll have to do that tomorrow, I had went to my Grandma's to see what to do for the next 6 days, their going to O.K. to see my uncle and my cousins...wonderful but I don't mind helping. After that I spent the next 4 and a half hours watching season 1 of my newest favorite show, Its been on for...well since 2000 and i've seen some episodes, but didn't get to fully understand what was happening until now! I feel like all together...todays been great. I think the whole blogging thing helped.
                                                               
                                                                                -Grace

Why I started.

                Well My names Grace. My Life is well like hell right now. Thats the main reason I decided to blog, and my whole bottling my emotions had to stop after a while of it... I lost who I was. I was nothing but a ball of angry and sadness. I honestly don't know who would read this, but personaly I don't care. So I guess I'll get to why my life is the way it is right now. Basically one of my ex-friends now, started dating this 21 year old, might I add she was 15, now she's 16, and after I witnessed them cheating on each other...I cracked. I blocked my once best friend and now people think I'm mad? I'm not mad, just upset. I started this whole Ignoring war, almost like the Cold War... Mainly because neither of us have the guts to ask what happened, I've tried before telling her, he's nothing but a cheating S.O.B. but like a girl MADLY in "LOVE" with this guy she took his lies over my truth. I was crushed I don't want to admit it, but I was done, I hate leaving people out in the cold like that, but I've done tried, and at this time...I had no choice but to sit back and watch the train crash. Maybe I was wrong for tring to help...I could of been like many of my other friends who didn't try, but instead I atleast tried to help...Right? The worst part of my day was when I heard someone who I thought I could trust tell another girl that WE meaning me and the girl acrossed the barrier, were acting like drama queens. which hurt alot...another reason why I started blogging. So people wouldn't have to listen to me, or talk behind my back. And now thinking about it I did talk alot about it. Life sucks...alot. And today I had a flash back to several years ago, when my depression was at its all time high, I thought about cutting myself...and then I had a desire to write a suicide note...which I'd never do, or atleast I don't think I would. Sadly I have thought about it before but thats been years ago, still have't told my Mother the about how bad it was. The only thing that could bring me out of it was to think and count how many people would care if I just pushed myself off the cliff? It wasn't a lot...but the ones that I knew would care, ment the most to me. :)

 

-Grace